Shit.One of the other nurses in my women’s NA group just relapsed for the second time, and this time it showed up on her mandatory drug screen and was reported to the nursing board. I think she had something like six or nine months clean, slipped on some Ambien a couple months ago, but there were no repercussions. Then on Dec 15 she took some Klonopin and tested hot for the board on Dec 20.
The thing about this girl is she’s young, beautiful, perky and spunky…make-up and clothes always flawless…and you would never peg her as a drug addict. It was hard for me to remember that she was one. She is always full of positive energy and joy, and at the meeting she’s known as “the cheerleader.” She is always SO happy at meetings and is just constantly telling everyone how happy and excited she is to be there. Big Christian too. She doesn’t have that sadness behind her eyes that other addicts do. She was the last person I expected to relapse. I know the first time with the Ambien scared the shit out of her, but the second one was really a shock. I feel terrible for her. Now the nursing license that she was on probation for will be gone…possibly a three year suspension. The board does give second chances, but I don’t know about third.
We haven’t had a chance to really talk much about the relapse, but I know she is living each day in a very dark place of self-loathing and regret. She was afraid she would lose her sponsor because she wasn’t honest with her; she kept the Klonopin relapse a secret until she got the letter in the mail from the nursing board. I don’t envy her situation. I just hate it for her and wish there was something I could do to help.
Coming up on 18 months clean on Feb 1, this only strengthens my resolve. I need to go to more meetings and talk to my sponsor more. I must stay strong.
Skating is something that most people will never understand. It’s not just a sport or something to do. It’s a way of life. Once you’re in it, it’s in your blood. Once you land your first jump or carve your first edge, you can’t stop. The arena is home away from home. You love the smell of that ice and hearing the glide of a blade is like music to your ears